Blind Spots

I was scared this week- really, really scared. I saw something that so frightened me, it threw me back and stopped me cold in my tracks. What I saw was ugly, threatening and dangerous. It was large, intimidating and daunting. “What was it?” you ask.  Spots!  I saw spots. 

Oh, I have seen spots before that have freaked me out- AGE spots… well just one, but it was there and its presence was horrifying. But I digress… It wasn’t age spots this time that floored me.  I have seen other spots too; sore spots, weak spots and soft spots but none of them shook me like what I saw this past week. I saw BLIND spots.  A rare occurrence indeed! 

Blind spots don’t show up very often. They hide, camouflaged nicely in their environment. But this day it was there, right out in the open- a visible sighting. I should probably mention that the blind spot I observed wasn’t my own- perhaps that is why I was able to see it. Blind spots by nature are hard to detect when they belong to you. They are much more evident to the onlooker.  And that’s what I saw that scared me so -a blind spot in the life of another, yet clearly observed by friends and family. The scary part, however,  was not  that a blind spot  appeared out of the thicket of her life, for we are all armed with the knowledge that we have them. At least we should be. We may not know what it looks like- how spooky, distorted or obnoxious our blind spot may be- but we better be aware that it is there, lurking around in the secret places, showing itself to others but keeping us safely in the dark. No, the truly terrifying part was that what was clearly tangible to us was completely invisible to her.  

Now I know that spots are sneaky. One minute they are there- visible, touchable, noticeable- and the next minute they fade away, leaving you to wonder if you really saw them or felt them. That’s the assignment of spots; Get in and get out as quickly as you can.” But that day those blind spots were sluggish and they stayed around and stayed around until it was so blatantly obvious something had to be done. So we tried. We tried to carefully uncover those blind spots and bring them to her attention. You see, once a blind spot is revealed to its possessor, it becomes declawed, and moves into a new category of spots called “weak spots I am working on.”  That was simply the goal that day- to help someone see that her blind spot was destroying her life, her relationships and her successes.  Such havoc this blind spot was creating!  It had to be harnessed and captured. It had to be tamed.

What happened next was frightening. You have never heard such a clamor. Let’s just say the introduction did NOT go well; “Owner this is your blind spot,  Blind spot this is your owner.” There was definitely no love connection here. The introduction was met with intense rejection, denial and great hostility. It was instantly dismissed as our problem. We were informed that this was our distortion and insanity. No merit was given to this blind spot at all. Instead we were written off for even daring to escort it to her conscience. We were dissed on all fronts- dismissed, disrespected, and disbelieved.  Had we not quickly gotten out of there, we may have been dismembered as well. Yes, I was scared. Scared for her and her future of course, but more scared for myself. “What are my spots like?” I shuddered to think. I left there determined. “I want to see my blind spots,” I decided.  “I don’t care how ugly they are or how many they have grown into, I WANT to see them.” (Blind spots travel in packs if left unnoticed.)

I still feel that way. I want to know how I am perceived. I want to know what others see that I am blind to. I know it will take the eyes of others to catch my spots. But I want to know, no matter how vicious they  may be. It will take the willingness of a few brave souls to make the introduction, but I am ready. I can only become better for it, more refined and less abrasive.

I can’t live with the notion that I am spot-free, and neither can you.  Why not take the challenge and invite a few faithful friends to be on the lookout for your spots? Don’t let fear or pride stop you from becoming better.  Do it now, before you get “voted off” the island!  Here’s to happy hunting.

                                                  How to catch a blind spot

1. Search light of the Holy Spirit - Psalm 139:23-24

 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

2. Faithful Friends- Proverbs  27:6

        Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful.

3. Humility to hear it- James 1:19

        Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…

4. Trust to accept it- Proverbs  2:1-6

My son , if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,  turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,  and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,  then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.  For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Guarding the Wound

I love my Jack Russell Terror – I mean Terrier.  Her boundless energy and spunk keep me on my toes and her mischievous antics make me laugh – even when I’m trying to discipline her.  She is definitely full of personality, possessing the spirit of a pre-school toddler. I love that about her.  That is until recently.  Something happened to temporarily change my appreciation of her joie de vivre!

I slowly hobbled into the house, every muscle on my body hurting.  I was released from the hospital after undergoing a major surgery and it felt good to be home.   I grabbed my down comforter, wrapped it tightly around me like a burrito and began to melt beneath its warmth.  No sooner had I started to drift off into a nice sleep when it was abruptly interrupted.  The front door opened and a shot of lightning flashed by me.  It was O’Reilly my Jack Russell. She soared into the living room where I was nursing my wounds and skyrocketed right for me like a heat seeking missile.

In an instant I assumed the fetal position. I promptly curled up in ball to protect my fresh wounds.  I felt vulnerable and her presence was threatening to the pain I was already experiencing. I didn’t find her funny, amusing or cute in that moment, but dangerous and a potential inflictor of more damage!  She was way too close to my pain- too near to the wound to be trusted and I instinctively made a wall of protection around myself.

That’s when the revelation came.  “How similar is this to what we do emotionally and spiritually, I dared to reflect?”  This experience in the natural gave me insight into what can happen to us in the emotional realm when hurt and pain has left us wounded and feeling vulnerable.  Instead of enjoying the life and zeal of those around us, we often tend to become avoidant, steering clear of human interaction.

I thought about Heather.  She seems to be a nice and confident girl.  She is able to communicate through writing and texting, but in person she completely withdraws.  The message she broadcasts with her body language screams loudly, “Stay away from me.”  She intentionally rejects any display of warmth while in person, yet later through writing she will open up.

I also thought of Brenda.  Brenda is shy yet friendly, until the spotlight is on her.  Then she coils up and walls off like Fort Knox.  No way are you getting inside of her defense system!

What’s wrong?  Could it be these women are actually in secret duress?  I have come to learn that emotional and spiritual pain is often misunderstood and hard to detect.  We may think someone is being rude or anti-social, when the reality is we may be coming too close to their wound.  Maybe a probing question, an invite for friendship or even a casual hello feels like a fearful and threatening intrusion to the one who is isolating, trying to recover from an emotional wound.  Instead of seeing caring individuals as a comfort, injured souls are afraid and threatened with the presence of someone who may come close enough to see through their defense system into their pain. Although the Body of Christ is exactly what we need to heal, the truth is, when we are hurting we often curl up into an impenetrable ball of steel and isolate, keeping ourselves safely out of “harm’s way.”

In my case with O’Reilly my protective mode was instinctive and needed to protect me from a deeper wound, but in many other cases this protective posture probably serves to only increase the pain since God has given us relationships as a way of becoming whole.  Guarding the wound and withdrawing from others is seldom the way to find healing.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. (Italics mine) The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. NIV

When we are willing to let our guard down and selectively and wisely allow someone into our pain and hurt, we are on our way to healing and wholeness.  The prayers, counsel and encouragement we find as a result of sharing are powerful keys to freedom and healing.  God has made us to need each other- an indisputable fact no matter how uncomfortable it may feel to open up and become transparent! When we share the burden of our soul with another, we will find release and rest from the anxiety that secrecy and fear create. But we also fulfill the heart of Christ, who desires us to walk with each other in this life.

Gal 6:2  “Carry each other's burdens , and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  NIV

Now that my wounds are healed, I am back to loving the life and energy I find in O’Reilly and I eagerly join in the relentless game of Frisbee- to which there is no end!  And in that moment my soul smiles because I am aware that healing has come and I am free to fully engage in life’s adventures.  This is what God has in mind for all of us- when we receive our emotional and spiritual healing, we will possess a soul smile, for once again we will fully and completely absorb life, enjoying the perfect love of God – which by the way is also RELENTLESS!

 

1.     Buy stuff off of "Home Shopping Network."

2.     Load the silverware in the dishwasher with care – spoons with spoons, forks with forks, knives with knives. You get it.

3.     Have a clue about coupons and watch for sales in the paper.

4.     Buy stuff off of QVC.

5.     Sew buttons on clothes instead of using safety pins.

6.     Watch Family Feud – a lot.

7.     Learn to Twitter and Skype.

8.     Hang up clothes on more days than just Friday.

9.     Organize your sewing box and enjoy looking at 50 year old buttons and needles.

10.   Learn what QVC stands for – Quality, Value and Convenience.

11.   Find stuff in your closet you forgot you had. Some with tags still on them.

12.   Organize the condiments in your fridge.

13.    Have more than condiments in your fridge- lots of casseroles from friends.

14.    Actually appreciate and WANT a Snuggie!

15.    Read and enjoy junk mail.

16.    Start believing that a sweat suit is an “outfit” if I just add a necklace.

17.   Take silly surveys on FaceBook.

18.   Put your dog on weight watchers.

19.    Find out you shouldn’t load the silverware in the dishwasher spoon with spoon, knife with knife    because they hug each other and don’t get thoroughly clean.

20.   Decide Drew Carey is a horrible replacement for Bob Barker on the “Price is Right” and go back to work early!

The absence of color is white - the absence of feeling is NUMB.  All the colors blended together make black.  All your emotions flowing at once equal ANGER.  Neither one make a beautiful picture if it is all we use.  Why not instead, open the crayon box and explore? 

It is the stubborn thinker who decides to repress all her feelings and never respond, feel or deal with what she is experiencing. It is the lazy thinker who rages through the color sprectrum, scribbling with every crayon, blasting another with their angry display. How much better - yet painful at times - to open the crayon box of emotion and learn to recognize what you are really feeling?  Have you been hurt, betrayed, rejected, embarrassed?  Were you afraid, lonely, bored, or inadequate?  In getting aquainted with the array of colors in this life, we paint a better self-portrait if we have the courage to take an honest look at what we may be feeling, and therfore how we may be acting and effecting others around us. 

Numb leads to depression and to a lonely lack-luster life.  Anger leads to hatred and to a lonely life of broken relationships.  But is there something in between?  Some have found a favorite color and use it on everything.  That's what children do.  Remember those kindergarten papers where everything was blue, including your face and hair?   One dimensional living.  It's hard to be around the person who always uses blue. In our scenario let's say blue is rejection. It doesn't take long to weary of them when they scribble the blue mantra "It's because they don't like me" over all of life's circumstances.  You get he point.

Why not live colorful?  Remember, when God made us a promise of new beginnings, He opened Heaven's crayon box and colored the skys with the rainbow.  Life is an invitation to experience, to feel, to explore. 

Get out of the crayon box, open it up and decide today, "I CHOOSE TO LIVE COLORFUL!"

Does your faith work for you?  Jesus likened our faith to that of a servant - sent to do what we ask of  it.   Lk 17:3  But I have to admit, sometimes my faith is lazy, uninvolved, waiting for me to summon it and send it forth to bring into this world what Jesus died to give me. 
In the true movie "Faith Like Potatoes" - they pray for God to move miraculously and He does!  Often God is waiting to move and act on our prayers of faith - for the prayer given in faith is God's mechanisim for moving in the earth - but we, instead of speaking out and releasing our faith as a servant, worry, wrestle and wait for some other answer to come.  Our faith becomes like a couch potato, sitting around lazily desensitized to the opportunity to serve us. It's possible that our faith (our hope, assurance and confident expectation) becomes aquainted with the "remote control" and starts to chanel surf  looking for other options to win in this life!

 What are you believing for?  Send out your faith - confess God's word over it.  His WORD will work for you -  Try HIm. Prove Him. Trust HIm.  Put your faith into his hands and know that He WILL move for you and through you!

She came to me for prayer -

As I held her - I knew why I had encountered all the pain.  For the first time since the "event" I found myself saying, "Thank you God for letting me go through the 'dark night' if for this moment alone."  We wept - hard.  "But why was I crying," I wondered?  "Are these tears of compassion for her or for me?" Then again, what did it matter - though no one said any audible words, we both spoke volumes.

Then as spontaneous as the tears -  came the laughter.  Again I was riddled. "Did I make a joke?"  While I usually am pretty humorous - I'd like to think hilarious at times -  I don't recall saying anything to trigger such a response.  Yet we laughed... and not alittle.  We laughed as though we had just cheated death - that incredible "I can't believe I made it" kind of laugh, mixed with tears of pain and joy, yet new found freedom and HOPE.

It was the moment of two bonafide sisters of the soul - the bond that says, "you get me - my pain, my sorrow, my journey, my cross."  We laughed until I cried some more.  "Another person understands"   - and now there are 3.  Jesus gets our pain - He knows it - He saw it - He felt it - He Heals it.  But how awesome when he lets us find another who has been there too.

We  shared a moment of healing.  We laughed and cried till cleansing flowed.  She came to me for prayer and as I held her, I comforted her - or did she comfort me?  The answer?  YES.

Thank you my sister, my friend Olivia.

Can You Refresh Others?

Jesus said to the woman at the well, “Will you give me a drink?”  I can’t imagine being asked by the Living Water himself to fetch him some refreshment!  Yet Jesus asks to have His thirst quenched by us- to be brought something that will refresh Him.  That makes me wonder, “Is Jesus thirsty in my relationship with him?”  Do I bring him a cup of cold water in my worship, in my praise?  Does my life water and refresh His heart?

One way we can refresh the heart of Jesus is by watering others.  Jesus talked about water in more places than one…. He seems to have an interest in H20.  He tells us that when we bring a drink to others we have done it unto him.

Matthew 25:37 "Then the righteous will answer him, `Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  MT 25:40 "The King will reply, `I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Watering others is expected by our Lord.

Proverbs tells us, “A generous man will prosper – he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” 11:25

It’s not enough to go through life living for ourselves- selfishly drinking in all we can. We are to be connected, serving others.  Anyone can be spiritual in a vacuum. It’s when we have to live in the context of others- in relationships and in community- that the test begins. That’s when we discover if our life refreshes others and thereby refreshes Christ.

Take our words for example. Do you understand that when you speak to someone, whether in harsh tones or in soothing notes, you are either serving the Master a cool refreshing drink, or blowing the dust of carnality into his face? “When you have done it to the least if these you have done it unto me.” 

Maybe the tests of life are really opportunities. Maybe they are moments where the Teacher of Galilee says to us – “Will you give me a drink?” Perhaps the person you stand in front of- though deserving of a well-earned lecture just needs a drink of refreshing words of courage. It's possible Jesus sent you as an answer to their thirst, “Lord fill me!”

Even in the miracle at Cana – Jesus turned the water into wine. If he could do that – and He did- then certainly he could have created the water to begin with. But the Lord uses us in the miracle and says, “Bring me the water. Fill these vessels with water and I will turn it into wine.”

Today is no different. Jesus wants to do miracles in the lives of His people. But He chooses to involve us – the ordinary- in the extraordinary. He tells us today to fill the vessels of others with water, to pour words of life like life-sustaining water into the empty clay pots of those around you, and He will turn that water into wine...He will turn it into a WORD that miraculously energizes, transforms and shatters dryness – drenching the soul with divine power.

Ephesians  4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth but only that which benefits the listener.” We are commanded to speak words that benefit, profit, are advantageous and promote well-being to the listener. Even in our communication we have to admit that watering others is not always our goal. Instead we are tempted to blast them with a fire house and drown them in a whirlpool of our words. Or we withdraw and say little – granting barely an eye dropper of agua to the thirsty. Too often our purpose is to extract our own cup of coolness, watering our flesh by venting and purging, wringing out our thoughts on others. We long to benefit ourselves by spewing on another. But where is the water to fill the vessel? Where there is no water there is no wine.

Today Jesus asks you, “will you bring me a drink?” Will you refresh Him by watering someone else? Will you?

I read an interview the other day. The man was asked "what do you know for sure?" It made me wonder, "what am I 100% convinced about in life?' What do I KNOW -that I know -that I know for sure?' Here's my list.

1. God is real. There is a God who has a plan and purpose for my life. I am not wandering aimlessly around this planet, rather there is ONE who has a divine blueprint for my life - He is God, the Creator of me, the Creator of the Universe…and the friend of mankind.

2. Life is short. Life is a vapor - here today and gone tomorrow. We must live each day intentionally, assertively and passionately. “Once I was young… but now I am old” the biblical writer declares in the Old Testament. I am not OLD yet, but I am not young either. I have “blinked” once too many times and life has passed by very quickly. Life is short - MAKE IT COUNT.

3. We LIVE after we DIE. There is an eternal life. We cannot escape that fact. Those who are Christ-followers will spend eternity with Him in a heavenly city. Those who have denied Jesus Christ will live forever too, but separated from God and in everlasting torment. You may say, "I don't believe that." Sorry to hear that, it's still true.

4. We reap what we sow. We can determine the harvest we will reap in our lives, by the seeds we plant. Call it reciprocity or the "Law of the Harvest," but whatever we plant, it will undoubtedly return in our life. Plant love, kindness and patience; we will reap a life of respect and joy. Plant strife, disloyalty and selfishness; we will reap a life of pain, chaos and discontentment. You decide what kind of life you want.

5. We can be a victor or a victim. Life happens. People hurt and fail us, nature rains on the good and bad alike. But I believe life is 10% what happens and 90% how I chose to respond to it. I would rather approach life with optimism, confidence and a winning attitude than with suspicion, defeatism and mistrust. I am a victor and I choose to live life with the risk of being hurt again, but with the certainty that when its done, I will know I lived it to the fullest.

6. Trust and Reputation take time to build but can be broken in an instant. A good name is our greatest asset.  We should guard it. Once trust is broken, it repairs very slowly if ever.  Reputation is the same way, whether we know it or not, we leave "bread crumb trails" of our actions for others to see and decide what kind of person we are. Our name will live on after we are gone. Live wisely.

7.  Integrity saves you. We can't fake integrity, we either have it or we don't. It's above-board living even when no one is watching us. Integrity is a safeguard for our life because it determines - before we ever face a situation - how we will come out. We already know we will take the high road when we live with integrity. In the end, integrity will save our bacon.

8. Success is better if you share it -I don't think it's enough to reach our goals.  Life is richer, success is better if we help someone else reach their goals and achieve great success. Selfish living is for the insecure.  I am not "less than" if you become more.  Who gets to measure anyway?

9. If we don’t believe in ourself no one else will. We are a billboard read by all men.  What are we advertising?  We are journalist broadcasting our self-assessment at all times.  What are we reporting?  Some of us live as though we are on the "scratch and dent" clearance rack, hoping someone will see our potential and give us a shot. It doesn't work that way.  Find your groove, believe in yourself, walk with your head high... you are wonderfully made. God believes in you, believe in yourself.

10. Anyone can quit. It takes real courage to stay in the game. Life is not for wimps.  Enough said.

This is O'Reilly. She is the greatest pet of all time.  Although she would be offended by being called a pet, because she thinks she is queen. And she is royalty; but also a loyal and trustworthy friend.  O'Reilly doesn't disown me if I have a bad day, burn her dinner (yes she gets hot meals) or come home late.  She is always glad to see me, and greets me with pure joy.  When I ask her if I look fat in my jeans.. she just spins and acts happy... a certain "of course not" in dog language.

O'Reilly is loyal.  Until Camy comes over.  Camy is the neighbor's dog who we have quasi-adopted.  On sunny days we can usually count on Camy stopping by and spending a few hours with us.  My neighbor is cool with our visitation.  But O'Reilly turns into some kind of jealous monster.  On one hand she is thrilled to see Camy... after all a game of tug-of-war is always in order.  But on the other hand, she is "eating out my dish, and sitting on my mom's lap."  "This madness has to stop!" O'Reilly can't contain herself.  She nips and bites and growls at Camy.  She runs into the other room hoping to lure Camy away from us, then turns and runs back to us, re-gaining her throne on my lap. When Camy re-appears, O'Reilly shows her teeth.   She is so blatant in her jealousy that we laugh and sometimes scold her for her insecure antics.

People are like pets.  In friendships, in ministry and sometimes in life.  Oh we are much more civilized and domesticated.  We would never show our out-right jealousy; we are too sophisticated for such behaviors.  But inside I have to wonder... do we growl and snip at others when they encroach in our self-made kingdoms?  Does the entrance of another's presence into my friendships make me feel insecure... especially when they are eating out of my dish?  "That's my role," I may protest.. "growl."  Have you been dethroned at work or in ministry before when someone else's talents  out-shined yours?  "Snip - bite." (Grandma what big teeth you have!)  We can feel displaced and jealous at the rise or success of another, thinking our throne is slipping away.  Our weak sense of our own value and worth is betraying us and turning us into some kind of monster.  it's time to remember who YOU are!

What O'Reilly has to understand is, I love her for her.  Her personality cannot be replaced.  She is one of a kind.  Camy does not diminish her.  I love Camy too, and together they are a great team.

Today, be the best YOU you can be.  Don't be jealous of another's success.  Be you.  When you growl, bite and show your teeth to intimidate you lose what makes you so great.  Be confident in yourself.  Be assured of your talents, gifts and value.  Share your bone... it makes you so much more desirable.  Self-confidence - not pride yuk - but Godly, Christ-centered self-confidence is the most attractive quality you could have.  Today be YOU.

Psalm 139 "Body and soul - I am marvelously made... what a creation!"    The Message